Shopping bags and the existential chrisis.

Infamy, according to the checkout girl at my local grocery store, I'm the lady who always has enough carrier bags. 

Admittedly I do care, about the environment. I worry about the choices I make, the impact of the things we do. On the world. Which is, of course, a good thing. Just not sure how I feel about being the person on a Saturday night who remembered to bring the carrier bags. Like an adult girl scout of sorts, I am always prepared, I've got the carrier bags, and the plasters, and the first aid kit, and the pocket knif. It's all somewhat organised. Dull, perhaps. This last week, has made me realize a lot of people just expect me to be there to show up. What if one day, I just didn't? If I went on a 4 week holiday, didn't bother about who else would have to pick up the slack? Just went walkabout for a bit. Just stopped being dependable all the damn time? 

Shopping bags, and the existential crisis.

Gloom of self doubt

The gloom of self-doubt • Muttering of mystery.

It is worth remembering that every creative project is followed by the gloom of self-doubt. Yes, your student, yes, your PhD project. If you spring forth from the bed at 4am brimming with confidence. I wish you eternal damnation and all that. From my 1st considered a creative gesture, ( I painted black over my drawing because it was night age 3 maybe 4. This probably says a lot about me, I leave you to mull over that) it has never gotten easier, I am constantly wracked with the desire to be understood, my supervisor asked why this is important. I have no answers. Expect for this blog, I have no explanations. Perhaps I think it doesn’t matter, beyond the amusement of others. 

A key ingredient in my ability to crest work is my perception that is doesn’t matter. This is probably why I’m not a ‘Picasso’ more a Cezanne, I may be inclined to slash canvases, or put them in a drawer, never to see the light of day. In terms of architecture, I could never really sell you my best design ideas, they are in a drawer, I’m not sure I could sell them convincingly to a client anyway. ( sorry) It’s a disadvantage I’ve yet to overcome. I take criticism harshly, I’m a closet perfectionist, I agonise over why it’s not perfect. This is illogical, a realise, people do genuinely like the work I do, but the gloom of self-doubt is none the less there. No volume of praise is sufficient to satiate this anxiety. ( no idea how you spell that, perhaps and x? ) 

Genius or crazy person, you decide.  

I hope there are those of you out there who can relate. I salute you for getting out of bed this morning and doing some work anyway. 

Room for squares

Public service announcements /// now not to annoy your colleagues. Let me be clear, in academia there is nothing wrong with being square. Giving things the right name, is important, names are important. 

But for the love of Pete. If you’re going to force people to work in small little boxes, could you please use the correct terminology for the boxes in the first place? Have brain will use it. 

I’m never quite sure, if the academic propensity to ask to work in increasingly confining boxes as a reaction to confusion actually makes people less creative, then one wonders why students can’t think out the box, as they are give such limited space to create within. 

Skills aka the best insult

I recently heard the best insult. 

“Some people have no decernable skills. I would not trussed them to hold my beer.” 

There is a wonderful YouTube video highlighting the insult , you can find it here. 

https://www.google.co.za/amp/s/www.elle.com/uk/life-and-culture/amp26097627/labour-mp-jess-phillips-speech-unskilled-workers-house-commons/

Of course she was speaking about class, gender and inequality. A note worthy conversion I’m happy to get in to. 

However I think I may adopt it myself to describe, well? For example the person who ‘renovated’ my semi- only to have the work left either incomplete, or subiquantly breaking the minute anyone tries to use the repair. A man so incompetent I would not trust him to hold my beer. I have spent the last three weeks repairing this mans complete and utter lack of skill. An look, I’m not exactly a builder, but if I can do a better job by using YouTube, on the first go. You skill set, is low, low, low. So low you couldn’t pogodance under its height.

So go forth and repeat this excellent insult with abandon. 

Bat Wife

In praise of shadows. [ http://pdf-objects.com/files/In-Praise-of-Shadows-Junichiro-Tanizaki.pdf ] 

A wonderful piece of writing on light and shadow, and aesthetics written by Jun'ichirō Tanizaki, in 1977. Retranslated recently. A piece of writing my husband should read. Cooking supper tonight, my husband walks in and turns the light on, tada he says. This is a common theme with bat wife, a lesser know side effect of growing up without that useful modern convenience of electricity. 

Sometimes I like to image I’m the last person I know who might be okay, if the world as we know it comes to some self inflicted end. I’ll be just fine. 

Growing up with our the brilliance of the 21’st century, has some great percs, not the least of them being a great appreciation for light and shadow.

In the mean time, I remain bat wife.

Computer sez no.

Have you ever wondered what would happen when people stop being able to think for themselves. It’s quite fascinating to observe what happens when a system fails, and how hard it is for people to comprehend that a person might be able to think through this problem. 

Take for example the insedent  of the lost money transaction. After a paying failed and still took the cash off the card. And the money somehow became entangled in digital limbo, floating in the vortex of a bitstream. 

In only took 8 phone calls, 2.5 hours are multiple banks, and one poor customer service operators day being ruined. To locate the missing cash. I may have to be become a Luddite, quite the digital and return to sustainable living, with paper and pen. Drag out my drawing board. Forget our over reliance on computers or systems, really put the human mind to the test. 

Think about this, can you do your job without the computer, program you have come to rely on? I know I would struggle. 

Dead Zeppelin

 99 Red Hindenburg’s , 

Have you ever noticed how much a Zeppelin looks like a submarine? My husband Wayne makes excellent beer, Brixton Bitter for those joburg locals. We where playing around with beer names, as you do. It’s really the band name game of your late thirties, plus you get beer. And Wayne came up with these two. The above are my attempts to draw the ideas out. 

It being already February and the year seems to be wizzing bye again. Mostly the last two years have felt like a giant series of Hindenburg’s explosions, one after another. Here too 2019, looking a little less fiery. So far some good news, and creative practice awaits. 

Melktark / map

So this is the worlds best ‘melktert’ X marks the spot. Melktert  for those of you non- South Africans is one of South Africa’s best local deserts. 

Milk custard + cinnamon topped.

The quest for best milk tart.

An adventure awaits... 

Seriously go there, eat it in the parking lot. Actually get in an aero plane, fly here, rent a car, eat it in the parking lot. 

For those of you not South African, what kind of food would you draw a map too? 

In chair

Before we begin, yes I am the kind of person who it’s in lotus position on my stool. (Inside I’m really about 5 3/4).

Inspiration exists but is has to find you working. A quote supposedly attributed to Picasso, or more likely 

Some unattributed sole, of less famous origins. 

Who ever said it, may have a point. I generally find, if I go to work at 8am, or at least plan to work. Either maraculousy I mange to produce some work, good or bad. Or I stare at the wall till I feel to guilty for not working, that I do something even if it’s really small. 

A whole big project after all is composed of a milllion small such moments, of guilt filled working. 

If you are really an exceptionally lazy person. Make sure you place your chair, in your office. Or perhaps near you bosses office, which may prove more effective deterrent to errant web surfing and YouTube rabbit holes. 

In any event, actually going in to work, for myself at least I find a useful combatant against, well I’ll do it tomorrow thinking which can proliferate with the academic environment. I’m not sure what it is, perhaps it’s just the South African context, but deadlines don’t really seem to exist beyond the undergraduate phase. 

I’ve always think of, Douglas Adams vogons when I encounter this phenomenon. 

Anyway, all stop net surfing and get back to work. 

Boundaries

In this day and age, our personal space is trespassed apone more than ever. All our modern conveniences somehow rather than giving us more time for leasure, travel, family and friends. Have simply create a system of 24 hour work. Where half of the ‘work’ we do is busy work, or simply redundant. This seems to be a condition particularly plaguing  the melenials work force. Really anyone who reached the working work around the year 2000. Those impacted by the Great Recession, and current global economic roller coaster. 

 At the end of last year, I was completely burned out. Just done. Not angry, not tired just done. After effectively sleeping for three weeks. I’ve spent the remainder of my holiday, decluttering , destressing and generally attempting to reclaim headspace in the workspace. 

Being that I’m not good at boundaries, or saying no to people. I  find that in the academic space is even more pressed, and constantly trespassed on, than in any other place I’ve worked. Everyone want your time, the senior staff, students , administration, lecturing, and of course research gets pushed to the back of the cue. Which is ultimately why we do what we do.

What ever you do, if you work with someone and they say NO. I don’t have the time, respect that. Particularly if it has a desperate tone to it. Don’t push those you work with to the point of complete and utter exhaustion, or retaliatory lack of caring in the quality of their work. 

Anyway here are my sudgestion of declutering the work space and making time for the things you are passionate about and good at.

1. Emails, yes emails and WhatsApp I have a few points about emails, 

We are paid to work between the hours of 8-5pm. Which is a long day, we seldom get time for lunch, particularly melenials take less and less of our annual leave. We are often defecto on call 24/7. 

So no 1. I answer emails, twice a day, once in the morning, and directly after lunch. 

Email, is not on my cell phone, I use it only on my computer. If something is urgent, please call, or text.

Or better yet, walk to my office and ask me a question. We all need the exercise. 

WhatApp is not a business tool. See above. 

Don’t send an email, if a conversation could suffice. People are terrible at conveying tone in emails, half of office stress can be avoided by actually calling or talking to people in person. 

2. keep your office clean and organized. 

I prefer a paperless office, which thanks to the cloud means, if I’m away I can access the relevant information from anywhere. 

Scan paper for records file and recycle the hard copy.

Use all those wonderful digital tools, we have at our disposal, they can make your work space more enjoyable.

Only keep essentials in your office. That way you can focus on what’s important. 

3. Keep your celphone in your bag and stow your bag away.

4. Keep a journal for notes on your desk. Bye a nice one.

5. Keep a calander, I prefer google Calnders as they are most portable, and will remind you via desktop or platform accross multiple platforms. 

6. Keep on top of daily admin, clean your coffee mug, clean up your desk at the end of the day, clean your bin out, if there is not cleaning service vacuume and wipe down surfaces.

7. Take your coffee break, connect with someone. Make a new acquaintance. The Swedish, tradition of Fika has its merits. 

 8. Eat your lunch away from your desk. 

Amazingly we are more productive when we’ve had a break, we are more creative. As someone who has been retrenched three times, I understand the knee jerk reaction to be seen to be working, encase you get the chop in the next cycle of redundancy. But one cannot work from an empty well, and good work comes from a place of creativity. What ever field you work in. 

9. Find the time to move, take up a sport, go for a walk, what ever fits your shape and time. 

10. And finally take 10 min each day to meditate, it really helps you de stress. 

Spread the manure

 To kick of 2019. A year which so far looks to be more of the same uphill battle. I thought I would make some reflections about work. 

a good leader knows things grow when the shit is evenly distributed. 

Everyone know sometimes one has do work one doesn’t like, however a good leader know to spread the manure about evenly. So no one has to do the lousy work ALL the time. 

#distributed #manure #mutteringsofmystery #muttering