So, I’ve been working on this whole, further studying thing for a whil now. I must say, someone said to me the other day, you must be really smart. I though about that for a bit, and my honest answer is probably not smarter than anyone else. I think what separates those that succeed form those that fail, is just plain hours of work. Putting in the time, and legwork. 

Also the ability to take a blow, when you get the feed back saying, you need to summarize your thoughts into a shorter document. And you feel like this isn’t working at that point not to quit. But to persevere. It’s really all there is to it. 

And remember the why, I want to do this because .........: ( insert your personal motives here eg. I want to teach.) and that is all. Although often times finding a balance is tricky. Often impossible. 

Keep up th fight. In whatever your personal battle is. For those of you like me stuck working over theHolidays (especially if you live in the souther hemisphere) Hey, you. Don’t give up. Okay. 

Sadomasochistic tenancies

 

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on loss, grief and so on. At some point I shall share those sketch’s. In the mean time, a thought on loss and hurt. And why when we are hurting we often inflic hurt on those we perceive will inflict a thousand little hurts in return. It’s kind of like the adult form of cutting really. At some point we realize emotional pain, is much better than physical pain. 

When we grieve we shut ourselves off. But we need to feel, at some point we decide to deal with our pain, but it is too much, so we use others as a tool to inflict a thousand exquisit hurts, to deflect our pain. Away from loss, from guilt , from the millions of things which have set the world off axis. 

 

Treading water

 

When your colleague asks why you haven't done X piece of work and you completely freak out at the poor man. 

Because there is so much work, to do. And it never seems to end and you desperately need a break, where you don't have to work. So. No I haven't done that F....ing report. If one more person asked me to do anything, bare on mind I also have responsibilities at home and to my extended family which is melting down presently. No! No! No! I need a nap. 

Brigs 

Mindfulness or something like that

 

Mindfulness: is one constiderd mindful when one is, mindful of the extent of mental chaos. But feel somewhat powerless to change it? What is mindfulness anyway, who are these people who live in full control of their inner sanctum. Do they exist? Do they have some magic boundaries, which enable them to exist and find their way amidst the chaos? 

How do they learn these things? 

Architecture

 

Architecture that strange disease, that kind of dull malaise one feels, on a Friday in September when all you need is a good long holiday, that feeling that one feels ones been mildly ill, all year. Caused by endless cycles of caffeine and lack of sleep. 

A bucket full of tears

 

Some years it seems may best be described as a bucket full of tears. Let just say, it's been a tough year. When one finds oneself sitting on the floor of ones office weeping st some tiny hurdle... it's a pretty good sign one needs a break. There are only so many hills one can climb before one just site down and weeps, in futility... 

Yup one of those years. 

 

Art Fairs for Introverts

 

Really the best way to experience a crowded art fair, is with head phones, even if you have to take them off every 10 min. To chat to someone you know. 

And a duel entertainment, bumping into a student who asked what your listening to.... WELL, the play list is called 'fokoff' so I'm sure you can imagine its contents. 

So I go with Metallica....it seemed a safe addmission  really says said student. I had you pegs for classical music... REALLY, CLASICAL, REALLY... have you met me? I was a teen in the 90's for goodness sake. 

The secret life of gold fish

 

Gold fish so zen, so mirror pools and Japanese gardens. So inner peace, and mastery of chaos swimming about in their little glass bowls. Making us all jealous of their harmony..., 

But What if secretly goldfish are screaming, from bordem and desiring streams and lakes and forests away from our prying hiding eyes.... what then. 

Yes yes, I should probably be working on my PHD. 

It's been a bit of a year..., the mind is tired and it wanders. 

Have a happy Tuesday folks 

Brigs 

Doggin / Loggin

 

Well if you've ever had a dog this one needs no explanation. With special thanks to (just) Alice, her dog Finn and his log Logan. 

Wall props

 

Wall props, along with people who only see dogs and children at social gatherings, are their friends the wall props. At any gathering there will always be a good number of these. The kind of people who just enjoy a good groove when they see it. And are comfortable enough the observe the goings on. 

 

Introvert

 

I was just at a social gathering of sorts. Art was on the wall, art type people where around, also some architects whom I know kind of. I spent a lot of time with the dog, and got in a decent conversation with a toddler and a 6 year old. This happen to me a lot. I fear I have some what poor socializing skills. If I know you well I never stop talking and if I don't I can never think of a thing to say..... I'm sure some of you can relate. It's really blurry shapes and the objects bellow 3 feet high. Of course being with a bunch of equally awkward humans proberbly doesn't help. 

 

Site map of research

 

It would have been a lot simpler if I'd studied a hard science, math, geology. Something with guide lines and clear methodology, something with right answers. Now we know what it feels like to be in 1st year when you ask the tutor what they think you should do and they says, definitely not that, but realy I've no idea what you should be doing either. 

Sigh. That said, that would also be dull. 

Jellytot consummation in the PHD process

 

Let's call it a process, and it requires Jellytots lots of Jelly Tots. Let's get one thing strait. Everything Is  more like guidelines, that actual rules. 

Post script: So it tuns out my husband has been unaware of my jellytot obsession. ( we've know each other for ten years ) He's apparently #devistated 

 

Idea for the trees

 

Doing a PHD by practice is not for sissies. You not only have to invent the practice you with to use, but also define a question which will allow you to work in the way you wish to do research. 

Is visual spatial research even a thing, while all the theory says you can, is one able to use Vivian spactial reasoning to inteogate a problem? And what does it mean to speculated on a problem, what might a speculative proposal even look like? Can you submit a proposal without writing anything? Wouldn't that be wonderful. 

I suspect is going to be a long few years of wondering amounghts the tree for me. In the mists of education and what not. The real question here is, how do you make an argument for visual literacy in place making? When you don't really even have a format which is designed to work on the type of work your doing? Sigh back to the trees then. 

 

Hidden cracks

 

When you've added the last drop of pressure to an overloaded structure. It is not the last grain of sand or the last drop of water which causes the structure to fail, it is the million which went before. The last drop is mearly the last drop. 

Thread of sanity

 

Some days are about zen. Some days are about walking the tight rope of sanity. This year feel more like a fine thread of ability to cope with work load and produce good meaningful work. If even only meaningful for me. Some times the thread snaps. Tomorrow we tie more knots. And pick up the bits. 

Clouds which lack the will to fly

 

I came across this notion on one of my favorite books "a short history of nearly everything" Bill Bryson. If you a big fan of  cliff notes, and inferring subplots for history then this book is for you. I simply love the notion of fog as the somewhat depressed cloud. 

Life it turns out, did not give us lemons

Lemons it turns out are an hybrid between the bitter orange and citron. Grown originally in northeast India and Burma. So life it's turn out much like the feelings we accociate with such a notion, are entirely made up. We invented them. So the next time you someone says when life gives you lemons.... remember that even a bad situation is after all only a matter of perception. You may be making lemons out of oranges.... perhaps I should take my own advice sometimes. 

 

Ps. Life it turns out also did not give us broccoli. Something which I note critically under foods I was punished for not eating. Future ammunition, broccoli is really genetically modified cauliflower. All be it with 300 years behind it. Non the less. It turns out however we would or have much to eat had it not been for the genius of our ancestors, making maize form grass and what not. 

Sleep

 

It should be said we all need sleep & food at least something resembling food. Architects, particularly students have recently been proved to not get nearly enough of it. And they wonder about the high levels of drug and alcohol abuse in the industry? Or for that matter mental health issues.  So with that night all. The drawing will still be there in the morning. 

Brigs 

Some bunny love you

If you've had a lonely Valentine's Day, and I'm sure many of you have. It's Valentine's Day. Even people on relationships suffer from disappointments on this day. Some how there 's always someone who feel less loved. Being the only woman on earth who forgot that it was indeed February the 14th today. My husband was completely of the hook. Still managed to make me feel bad by being wonderful. (The gilt woman carry around is Frightening) with heart shaped egg in a basket and coffee waiting after my morning run. So even if you are a tough nut to crack and forgot in was Valentine's Day. It's always good to remember that some bunny out there does love your wrierd and quirky self. I'd put money on it. 

Passive aggressive driving strategies

So I've devised a rather passive agresive strategy for driving so that taxi's can't  drive in the cycle lanes. Drive quite close to the edge of the lane, and plead ignorance of anyone trying to drive on the left....

Mood swing

PHD process

 

One feel little needs to be said about this particular muttering. Other than one is getting rounder by the day. Tomorrow may very well be a better day, who can tell with bees. 

Perspective

 

The knowledge that this year some where on earth, a tortoise will be hatched. Who will our live your children even your children's children. 

No matter what happens today, think of that to tortoise. Nothing is ever that bad. So unservivable. Too insurmountable, get up tomorrow and try again. 

Walls we should build

 

Really the wall the US should have built along time ago. Possibly also thrown all the Racist Bigets, and Wack Jobs he's apoint to his cabinet in there with him. 

 

Eight

The number of the week is 8. Yes EIGHT. Eight people own just shy of 50% of the world's wealth.

If you thought that wasn't so bad, another 60 odd people own another 1/4. Which leaves, the remaining 3.6 Billion with the final 1/4 of the Pie. 

Even if you belief in the capitalist adage, that the pie is not a fixed size. That is still an astronomical realisation. Lets unpack that a little. 

That quester, is going towards a few biggies, Education, Healthcare & Food Security. For the world's population. Yes the world has more wealth than it did 100 years ago, or even 30 years ago, capitalism is winning they say, These 8 create wealth through, investment, though idea generation, through job creation. According to Oxfam's report (Which you can read in full here) On of the things these wealthy people are doing, is Tax Evasion. Which means that 1/2 of the world's wealth is not going into education, healthcare & Food security.  Can you imagine a world in which these 8% actually paid taxes? I don't care how many scholarship grants or school you fund, to satiate your excessive wealth accumulation. I don't care how much money you throw at, privately funded medical research, or technological innovation. 

Today, that means that 3.6 Billion People, will be unable to take their kids to the doctor when they are sick, will struggle provide adequate nutrition of their children, or be able to afford the send their kids to appropriate early childhood development schools, primary school, high school and tertiary institutions. 

Lets think about Who these people are : 

6 of them are America's.

America, a country which is unable to prive the vast majority of the populous with, Health Care, Disaster relief, With a Budget Deficit bordering on the absurd. 

4 of those 6 : Are in technology sectors. 

Apart form Say Bill Gates, who occasionally produces a computer, they make Nothing. They invest little beyond the people they employ in the local economies of the countries where they set up their headquarters. Their wealth creation is basically fictitious, is exists only as 1's and 0's. 

Suffices to say, we have a big problem. 

Let the rest burn

 

Then there is that 3am realization, you will never please others. Might as well do what you love, and let the rest burn. You're very best, will Probably only receive a passing ovation. Or those you love will still be standing around wondering what exactly it is you do for a living, and why yes you do want to spend 3-5 years doing this thing. 

Drowning inside

 

Up hill

 

It's probably a good thing we can only see just a small way ahead in the hill of life. Other wise we may just give up and go home. 

Love is....

 

You may detect that someone loves you. When they go away for a few days, and stock you up with a whole load of your fav tv shows to binge whatch.... 

Zipped into the sleeping bag of the self

 

Never alone

 

With pets one is never alone. If your sitting on a chair they are on your lap. If your eating dinner they are waits for a treat. How make yourself feel loved and needed in this word? Get a dog. The world most amazing symbiotic evolution. 

I may have too many dogs. Possibly, it's up for debate. 

 

Alone

 

One of the toughest things being a creative today. Is knowing that there is a crowed out there that whatever you do, is pretty much been done before. At the same time finding no one to share what's in your head with. Everyone is a critic. And you can think of 500 other people who are writing about, thinking about, making creating exactly the same thing you are. Why aren't you able to be unique? The irony of the malenial generation might be that they where all told how special they are, only to be the first generation to truest realsie what utter nonsense that thought is. Nope your unique like everyone else. So one feels alone no matter what the position. 

Equality

 

I've reached that point in my life where, people ask when ARE you going to have kids? As though even today in 2017 there remains a notion that one has not done ones duty as a member of society if one doesn't have a child. This is something which is a little befuddling. That is seems not to matter as a woman what your contribution to society is, if one has not produced a copy. Not how long ones studies, or what work ones perspuse. Not fame, business accumin or solving world hunger. Not producing creative work, or finding a cure for aids. Can possibly be as rewarding or meaningful as having kids. This despite the fact that the world has unnumbered orphans, or that there are so many Homo sapiens on earth that we threaten our own existnace, with our greed for more natural resources, but one must have kids. And we say we have equality? We do not seems to place these burdens on men? For man the opposite seems to be true. This not detracting from people who do wish to have children,if  that is fine and meaningful to you wonderful. My question is, I guess why do they feel the need to make everyone else feel inferior to them? What about those people who can't have children? Have they ever thought how this attitude makes those people feel? We live in 2017, where this is a choice, one can make. Let each person make the choice which is right for them. 

 

Remain

 

Sometimes one of the hardest things about being South African. Is the leaving, or being left is perhaps a better way to put it. When one realizes that one is reluctant to make friends only because one knows inevitably they will most likely leave the country. Once again leaving one feeling as though one is stranded on a small desert island. Whatching a boat sail of into the distance without you. 2016 was a year of leavings, I'm sure not the last one we will experience, as the economy dips those who can find greener plastures else where will set sail. Leaving those of us who can or won't leave wondering if there is something we are missing. However then I think, we are here because here we can make a difference, here we can bring hope, here we can imagine a future where we can live in a just and equal society. So we stay, and we make new friends, with the hope that perhaps they will see that this country is a good thing. That there is still a future here. When one feel alone one too is reminded. I have roots here, here is where generations of my family have lived, and farmed. When one thinks in all likely good at least some member of ones family most likely tracked across the country in an ox wagon, in search of freedom. One can remain in the knowledge that, yes it may be tough today, however if they survived we then so can we. We can leave something behind which benefits others, we can seek a future filled with hope. We choose to remain.